In this video, I confess my most persistent insecurities around dating bisexual women as a self-identified lesbian. I also explore where society is at fault, and why we should give less power to the penis.
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I think my insecurities stem from being left for men so many times and also feel like its unfair i feel the way I do whne i carry the insecurities into my new relationships but i am working on it i feel like its all about trust and not comparing
I am bi and really femme in my apparence. Not at all in my attitude though. But lgbtq people don’t typically approach me. So I’ve tried to be more proactive, putting myself out there, flirting with girls. But I’m always met with resistance, having to prove that I’m not some straight girl looking for an experience. Even as I grew in experience with girls it never changed. I always have to prove that I’m “gay enough” and they make defensive assumptions like “you probably have never been with a woman before” or after ghosting me “I thought you just kissed me for fun/attention, I didn’t think you were into me”
Marissa LaRocca That’s a great project. It’s interesting that you did that work of reflecting on your own insecurities on the matter. In my experience, biphobia from the lgbtq community always came from a place of personal insecurities and fear of being led on by bi-curious women who are not really into them. And sometimes by internalizing the general stereotype of bi girls being hyper sexual
Love your video, I’m sure your book will be great!
Nooom91 it’s a real problem. I’m sorry on behalf of all the lesbians that you’ve been treated this way. I am publishing a book in March on sex and sexuality which will contain more of my honest confessions + spread awareness on the topic of biphobia.
I see what you mean ... but I am a bisexual woman and it sucks to see that many people especially lesbians try not involve themselves with us and it honestly sucks. Sure they might have insecurities but they shouldn't let them cloud their thoughts with these stereotypes
+Marissa LaRocca that's just to put it simple but as a bisexual the lgbt community not itself but many people sort of look down or at us as curious or confused I do like women way more than men but I use the term bi for various reasons such as having attraction towards masculinity in a woman bit having attraction towards feminine traits as well
+Marissa LaRocca of course but if I used that way of thinking if I were strictly lesbian towards a lesbian or would be offensive so I split it into the world's two genders although both are equally painful as your supposed to be open
Being bisexual is actually alot harder than you would think. Tell me how easy it is to deal with being attracted both ways. Constant tug of war and struggle inside your mind and heart. Being bisexual is NOT easy. Thank you!!!
You're really pretty by the way, just so you know that, cuz you're really really cute. Anyway lol, thank you for deciding to educate yourself on bisexuality. As a bisexual who doesnt feel apart of the 'straight community' or 'lgbt community' I really appreciate it.
Edit: I dont know why almost cried at the end, thanks again for being an amazing human 😊
Thank you for making this video! I identify as a lesbian and have been struggling with this a lot lately as I am dating a bisexual woman. So many points in this video really hit home. For me, I think it really boils down to the misogyny not only in society and my surroundings, but that has permeated into me and become internalized. It was so drilled into me in childhood that men are superior to women that a part of me believes someone who is attracted to men won't find being with me as valid or fulfilling as if she were with a man. At least I know intellectually that this is BUNK- but still have a long way to go on working through these feelings on an emotional level. I know you said you watched videos on youtube- if you had some recommendations, that would be amazing! I'm heading to your part 2 now but I'd love to see some other opinions and coping mechanisms.
+Marissa LaRocca Sorry, let me explain myself. In my experience, i feel kinda insecure when dating bi women, because i feel that they would not like and desire me 100% (biologically), you see, if you read the comments below you could find a pattern, you will be hard-press to find a bi woman who likes both men and women in equal proportions, there is always a contrast, that puts the male part in disadvantage. The problem (in my opinion) with bisexuality is that, differently from gay and straight people, bisexuality seems to be affected by cultural factors, as an example i could bring the ancient greeks, where you find bisexual behaviour almost exclusively on men, but with a clear age factor, mostly older males with young boys, there were of course lesbians too, but bisexuality in women in those times wasn't that present as men's, as you could find exclusively lesbians more easily. Gay and straight brains are actually very, very SIMILAR in sexual orientation context, wich explains the unidirectional tendency of both; the fact that bisexuals tend to prefer a gender or another in different proportions at different times, doesn't help a lot, yeah they could say that all that matters is how they are into "that particular" person at the time, but knowing that you were a circumstancial choice, somehow like "the second option" as you weren't the first, i don't think that would feel good to anybody. I could give you an example of someone, this guy Onision in his channel years ago, he showed his polygamous relationship, and you could see that his bi girlfriend, the first girl that was with him and later got into a threeway relationship still with him, and with another girl. and you could clearly see that he was somehow denigrated and reduced into a second class dessert,and there are plenty of cases like that in the wolrd, in daily life, so if there is nothing wrong there... You see, the point is that there is nothing that could back-up bisexuality , in order to realize how attraction works in bi people and by consequence stop feeling bad and fearfull inside a bi relationship. I know that males are "okay" being with bi women, because of this stupid presumption that a threeway is coming up to satisfy the beastly desire of the "king" but as man i can tell that it is in reallity a stupid and desperate way to avoid frustration and fear of not being enough with your own male qualities for a women, as heterosexual women behave and see men in a very different way than bi women. Sorry for my english i don't know if i missed some grammatical rule.
I read a study that said 88% of bisexuals are dating someone of the opposite sex... that’s why lesbians have those insecurities, because bisexual women overwhelmingly date and end up with men, not at all surprising in a heteronormative society where people have deep dating biases even if they aren’t aware or won’t admit it
Kenza Hanchir you raise a good point. The more bi women I speak with, the more I am understanding just how many of them feel they must conceal their bi identity and conform (to saying they are either straight or gay) in order to avoid discrimination. This is very sad. And yet another reason to ignore this dumb study!
+Marissa LaRocca i have one question tho....does this study take in account the bisexuals who labelled themselves as lesbians (there are).....because i know a lot of bisexual who would rather say they are gay when in a same sex relationship to avoid confusion and discrimination...i know for a fact that since a lot of person don't think bisexuality exist some bi would find it easier to come out as gay..
So in the end there are maybe more bi women staying in long term relationships with women than expected....
Dana Scully I read about the same study recently, though whenever statistics are measured, I wonder who is gathering these statistics and whether they might be skewed at all? I found it alarming, nonetheless. But I’m trying to shift my focus away from all the fears that have come up for me around this topic because the person who is right for me would not be swayed by the temptation of an “easier” life. And would not be swayed by heteronormative ideals. So yes, there are probably bisexual women like this out there, who are swayed. They might even make up the majority of women who identify as cis and bisexual. But for others, it’s only about love and connection. And to be fair, men tend to be more aggressive in pursuing women and making them feel wanted (thanks to all the confidence society has granted them). And there are way more men in the world than lesbians. So it could just come down to numbers 🙄. I don’t like that explanation but it is a valid one.
Wow what a wonderful video! 🙏🌈 Thank you for your beautiful words and honesty. I can definitely relate to many of these insecurities. Even though I'm pansexual, I've had many of these same thoughts because I generally only date women. I tend to feel safer and more loved when I date lesbian women but I know that those feelings stem from my own insecurities. It's empowering to address those insecurities and understand them for what they really are, so that they don't consume you and limit who you love. I'm so happy I watched this. You are incredible! 😍🦄❤️
Stephannie Covarrubias wow, I’m very moved by all of this 😢. Your words have shed light on some of the dark cavities inside me. I think it would be fascinating to explore more how our political values contribute to sexuality and sexual preference. I am not necessarily turned off by the idea of a penis? For me, my lack of attraction to men I think has far more to do with the social conditioning and feeling “lesser than” when I am next to a man and not wanting to spend my life embodying that role. I love how you say you sometimes want to live the life of a man, but as a woman. Because with all the oppression of women there has been, I think we can too easily get caught up in the penis envy, undermining the sensibilities we have as women. But we need to recognize and celebrate the fact that women have some very valuable things men do not have just as men have things women don’t have! Thanks for contributing to this important conversation. You have some really thoughtful thoughts.
+Marissa LaRocca You are so amazingly beautiful inside and out! It's unreal 🙏. It takes so much strength and soul searching to be at a place where you can become so fully aware of the inner workings of your mind. You truly seem like such an enlightened individual. One that is on a constant path of growth and evolution. I wish I had found your videos sooner...One thing I still struggle with is my own attraction to men. I haven't dated men in YEARS but I have loved a few men in the past. So I don't feel it's right to ignore that history and label myself as something that I'm not, but I definitely have struggled with the fact that I like men at all. I sometikes feel a sense of shame and internal pressure to not like men, and so many times I've wished I actually was a lesbian so I could more easily ignore the resentment I sometimes have for men. I've realized over time, that it comes from the pressures I've had as a woman living in a patriarchy and all the struggles I've had to face within the Latinx community, which can sometimes be "machista" and detrimental to strong female figures that fall outside the norm. Especially because I myself am a very dominant yet feminine woman. Truthfully, I have had penis envy on many, many occasions and the real desire to live the life of a man, but as a woman. Society isn't structured that way and it's painfully apparent at all levels, and at least for me, I think this constant bombardment of expectations and gender stereotypes instill in me a sense of resentment for things I wish I had. Ultimately, I know I can't blame men at all, the structure we live in is detrimental to all people and it has created the struggles and hardships many men must face on a constant basis. Some days are harder than others to be ok with the fact that I can and have liked men, because I know not everyone can say that, but I shouldn't be ashamed of it either. There are beautiful people of all expressions and I know I should feel honored, that for whatever reason, the universe instilled in me the capacity to love all types of people, regardless of what parts they may or may not have. That's who I am, and it is indeed beautiful...Still, because of my own experiences dating both men and women, I can't see myself with a man. Who I am, what I stand for, what I've lived, it almost doesn't seem right to be with a man at all. It may sound strange but I feel like because I do love women, I could never be with a man because IT IS too easy. Further, I feel that I can do so much more good in terms of spreading positive LGBTQ visibility by being proudly in love with women and helping to positively enlighten people on LGBTQ struggles. At least for me, LGBTQ visibility and education is critically important and something I take great pride in and have devoted so much of my life too. I think it's unfortunate, but I know I get more voice and visibility when I openly date women than when I used to date men. Don't get me wrong, I didn't stop dating men because of this reason. It's just something else I noticed as I started dating women. People don't assume you are anything but straight when you are dating a man. Ultimately, however, I just love the way women are. Men can never fully now the struggles women have faced (except for maybe trans folks) and ultimately it's this deep connection I feel with women that keeps me addicted. I may still struggle on occasion with my own insecurities of dating bisexuals or pansexuals, even though I myself identify as one, but I am continually challenging where these emotions come from and I'm so thrilled to have listened to someone who is so openly real, vulnerable and raw with their struggles. Thank you so much! Truly you are magnificent!🙏❤️😍 I literally melted when I saw you had replied! haha😊
Stephannie Covarrubias aw, thanks so much! I’ve been wanting to make an addendum to this video although I haven’t posted something in forever. Perhaps I will ☺️. These feelings and my own prejudices continue to be a struggle for me in the world. I can go to dark places if I don’t put in the work regularly to keep myself grounded and “in check” and I still have days where I feel inadequate and sickened by it at the same time. Something I didn’t cover in this video is that a lot of the resentment I feel (toward men, and sometimes toward women who are attracted to men), I realize, has to do with the ways women are oppressed in society, and have been for years.
I just want to add that bisexual women may also feel really insecure about lesbian women as well. I am scared that gay people don't treat me seriously, that a lesbian woman wouldn't even think of dating me if finds out I'm bi. It's all about this stupid proving factor that always comes out. ''Isn't it just an experiment for you?'' ''Oh do u think u have a right to enter the LGBT community?'' ''What experience have u had?'' Even my friends don't believe me, even my best friend - a girl that I kissed - thinks that was funny, all straight people do that sometimes haha. And when I liked one lesbian girl I couldn't tell her that. For a year.sooo... yeah. there are many mental problems to be solved.
I appreciate the effort, but your hooking up with men and calling yourself a lesbian makes things worse for us, your fellow lesbians. You give off the impression that we can be changed and “turned” by the right guy. People will latch on to your story and run with it. You, and others who’ve made a similar proclamation, have opened the door to people who think we are sexually available to men. Indeed, you are sexually available to men.
Lesbian has a fixed definition and when women who are having sex with men call themselves lesbians, it bolsters our society’s feeling that same-sex relationships between women don’t really count. Please think about how your words and self-identity harm lesbians. The range of hostility toward lesbians can range from shouting to violence simply because we are not sexually available to men. By sharing your willingness to get with a man while also calling yourself a lesbian, you’ve opened the rest of us to a world of hurt. They now have someone to cite when they press us to just try their dicks. In your zealousness to make bisexuals feel better, you’ve injured lesbians.
I’m a bi trans girl, and my bf has a similar insecurity.. I’m dating a boy, and he didn’t understand that I do still feel attracted to other women, and want them, he just got scared that I’d leave him. But I told him I love him and nobody else, and being nurturing to him, being who I feel is attractive and getting his attention, not only relieves a bulk of my dysphoria, but it also satisfies that part of me and we both felt better. So I’m sure a lot of men feel similar insecurities as you.
I also can’t help but say, when I’m attracted to a woman, personally, I see her in a different way, I’m not attracted to her ‘masculinity’, it’s her natural more “dominant” (couldn’t find a better word) female instincts. Men and woman, as a whole, minus all the impact society has on them, both are equally dominant and submissive, just in different ways. Some straight men like to be nurtured, their fascination with breasts makes it clear, just like a lot of straight women like sensitive men who they can heal. Naturally, men and women are dominant and submissive, just in different ways. It’s important that both sides are satisfied, as they are biological instincts and desires. And who our bodies are attracted to is *where we look for it*. Of course there are exceptions, everybody’s different, but generally, that’s the rule.
That’s what separates a lesbian, top or bottom, from a man, or a trans man.
Well, im bisexual, im attracted to both masculinity and femininity, it was hard to accept that about myself, because i kept questioning myself, maybe im attracted to this more or that more, but it is possible because i think we’re attracted to the person, their atmosphere, it doesnt mean we’re attracted to all men and women we meat, you dont have to understand it you just have to accept it (not saying that u dont just wanted to shed some light)
Hi, Marissa! Thank you so much for making this video. It helped me a lot. I have a question. In the past, I have dated only lesbian or straight women. Now I started dating a bisexual girl and I really like her. I know that, when it comes to relationships, anyone can fuck your life up: a straight, a bisexual or a lesbian (and for any reason). The thing about this girl is that she tends to talk to me about how hot this or that guy is (in a very random way) and it makes me uncomfortable. And so far at least, she has never even tried to go down on me (sorry to be so graphic) while having sex. The combination of the two is making me very anxious ‘cause I think she might not be that much into women, at least physically. I’d appreciate any advice you could give me. Thanks in advance! 😘
No, I wouldn’t prefer someone who has a history of cheating, regardless of sexual orientation. I made this video to start an important conversation about the biases that exist against bisexual-identifying individuals, so that we can educate one another and heal the wounds and bridge the gaps. I do not support the biases I speak about. However, I think there can be value in examining the ways in which we have been socially conditioned by society. And how that conditioning impacts the way we feel about ourselves and others in the world.
I think women are just really insecure honestly. If I were to date a bisexual man being a woman I wouldnt have a shred of worry that he'd leave me for a man. Men love women. I'd be more worried someone would leave me for the opposite sex of myself if I were a man dating a straight woman.
I dated a straight guy once. It was right around the time that I realized I was bi and I never told him I was bi because I new he would finishise the fact that I was bi and I didn't want that I wanted to feel accepted and not like a toy. Idk about other bi girls but in my experience straight guys are not accepting of bi girls, they just think of them as objects. I don't think I could ever date a straight guy again after that honestly. It was so uncomfortable.
Thank you for this honest, insightful and heartfelt video and its open-minded and open-hearted orientation toward dialogue. I feel like this video is a rare gem! My feeling is that there is so much richness to be discovered and explored in the complex and often thorny and also at times beautiful interpersonal relations and interactions and dialogues between lesbians and bisexual women. I think it is so sad that opportunities for discovering and exploring such richness often gets shut down by fears, insecurities, uncertainties and misunderstandings. I'm so happy you're inviting an opening where conversation can happen around these interpersonal relations between beings that at once seem to have so much in common and have such distinct experiences.
I’m talking like this bc I have a bad experience.some of guy out there really creepy & bad bc they sexual harassing me & say a dirty sexual word at me.so that’s mean i really don’t like a guy that I really don’t know especially from social media or anything.but if the guy is my bestfriend that I have known for a long time it’s ok to still be our friends.hope you guys not take it easy about guys.hope all the single lesbian out there would have a gf/wife so this thing will not happen like experimenting
For me it’s ok to be friend with a guy that really sincerely to be friend with us because we already know Abt them but if with a guy that We didn’t know about them is to dangerous bc they don’t know that we’re gay. There some of them that just want to advantage to us.i think every girl in our community being scared when date bi girl but for me using social like tinder & search a men for going with try doing something that we not supposed to do with our label(not all girls in community).bc experimenting with someone opposite sex is really risky.i just see a lesbian that have a happy life with their girlfriend/wife forever.i just love to see girl with girls not with another gender unless their is our friends that we already know about them & they know about us.sorry if I’m wrong
I think the reason masculine women are more attractive to bi/queer women then macho men is because butch or non femme women don't care about societies expectations. They are free when it comes to showing their feminine side. They know what it's like to deal with the patriarchy telling them to act feminine but at the same time they are open and brave about their masculine looks. Men have the feeling that they have to put up a front in order to be something they are not. When men feel threatened by a woman's dominance, their insecurities show more which is unattractive.
There is a big problem in this community, you guys wont stop talking about sex... If you and you gf/bf love eachother, then why the fuck would you be insecure about anything? If your partner leaves you only to bang with the other sex, then fuck it, you dated a whore, move on and find someone who loves you for your personality, not whats between your legs
As a bisexual woman dating a straight man, I know my experience is abnormal, but my boyfriend feels more intimidated by me leaving for a woman versus a man. He feels like its something he just can't provide for me. Granted I lean more towards women than men emotionally but I'm pretty 50/50 preference wise :) it really depends on the person. I don't miss D when I'm with a girl. Women are beautiful and lack nothing in comparison to men. I would also like to add that if I ever ended up dating/marrying a woman, it wouldn't be an impediment to having or adopting children. Its the health of a relationship that is important for the kids not the genders of the parents. Again, just my opinion :) Everyone's experience is different, maybe this perspective some people will find interesting and/or helpful.
Please make a video about online dating for gay/bi/pan women. I'm pansexual, but cis-het men have always been more available, if that makes sense, and I've been exploring my pansexual it more. But I've had hard time keeping messages consistent with women online.
Wow, thank you so much for this. I’ve been searching for some direct clarity on this subject for ages, and I’m so thankful to have found your videos. You’re incredibly eloquent, and you have a gentle and compassionate way of examining this often misunderstood issue. Thank you! Oh, not mention you’re gorgeous... ☺️
I think that the reason men rarely worry that a bisexual woman will leave them for a woman, as opposed to lesbians who see the complexity in bisexuality, is the same as the reason men oh so often will take the liberty to ask lesbian couples if they can ‘join’. A lot of men don’t take relationships that don’t include a man seriously. They don’t respect the relationship but sees it as girl on girl entertainment for their pleasure. Therefor they don’t see other women as a real threat. Ignorance must be bliss. I feel so lucky to be a lesbian.
Nooom91 fascinating. You bring up such a valid point here about how men are subject to the same conditioning to view other men as competition! Wow. I think so much of the threat comes from society saying it’s “okay” for men to be aggressors and dominators... how men even encourage these behaviors in other men. And when you love someone (whether you are a lesbian or a man or whatever), you don’t want them to be someone else’s prey.
I’m a bi woman with a boyfriend. I discussed being in an open relationship with him, and he was open to me seing girls but not other guys. In his values he never had any issue with the concept of open relationships but emotionally he admitted to feel a sense of competition with men. He couldn’t explain this feeling with his personal values, only with some societal conditioning around masculinity that he suffers from. And sexual competition with girls is not part of this conditioning.
But hey, I’m not gonna try to change his mentality if that means I can see girls 😋 And he has never fetichised my sexuality or asked me for a threesome, which might have annoyed me
Seems people is attached to labels and boundaries. Personally I never had thought about these points before, so thank you a lot to talk about that. I am attracted by human being, not for genders, labels, or boundaries.
Thanks a lot for this video! As a bisexual, I couldn`t understand, why the girls I dated didn`t want to go on dating me after finding out I was bi. The reply I always got was something like "bisexual people can`t decide what they want" or "they are too lazy to find out". Not only was this really annoying, but also broke my heart sometimes, because, you know, you do not fall in love with a gender, but with a person. And if this person then tells you, you wouldn`t know what you actually want, this really leaves you heartbroken.
Subscribed - thanks for your honesty! Much love <3
DieJenny thank you for your comment and I am so happy to have you as a subscriber :). I have no doubt in my mind that bisexual women are every bit as capable of developing legitimate attachments toward women as lesbians are! And for that reason the discrimination you face must truly suck. So yeah, I just wanted to expose the feelings I have had as a lesbian, which I think other lesbians can relate to, even though these feelings are not necessarily sensical or fair. Society is just a very pervasive force.
I'm insecure about a man leaving me for another woman that is more feminine, But I don't feel that way in a gay relationship. I feel like with most queer women the connection feels deeper, with men I feel a disconnected in some aspects. Like with a man even though we may love each other the way that we love each other is different or feels different in some way (for me at least). Maybe I just haven't found the right kind of guy for me. Like what you said in your 50 shades of gay video about the spectrum, (i'm bisexual) I like men that are in touch with their emotions and don't mind doing "feminine" things with me.. eg facemasks/ spa day etc. I don't necessarily like a super muscular guy with short hair, I do really like guys with long hair/longer hair and don't mind a tad of makeup or nail polish. I like girls that aren't super feminine in the way they dress or act but do like dressing up "girly" sometimes. I kinda prefer more feminine emotions but not over the top, similar to mine.
Because women have always been judged more harshly! In every aspect of life. Let me say something, we all have feminine and masculine energy within us. It’s the balance of those two energies within an individual that appears attractive to people. The unique mixture/ balance of your fem and masculine. Im attracted to a certain balance, it’s like a vibe. I’m a bisexual in a relationship with a woman. to me this is more fulfilling. In my 32 years of existence I have found that when your a true bisexual you will be able to fall in love with both genders equally however most people won’t acknowledge that or understand it. I feel toward women same as any lesbians feel about women. When it comes to men and masculinity, I will explain my point of view. I’ve only found myself attracted to men with feminine features and feminine energy. But I like the emotionally strong laid back masculine vibe to be there at the same time. Same with girls, I don’t care if she is fem, or more butchy, I’m attracted how she balances her Femininity with her masculinity, to me that’s so sexy. I’ve also find women to be in general more attractive and able to connect with more.
Last word. I would never leave my gf for a dude. When I’m in love with someone, I want to be with that person just like anyone else who is in love. Another myth: bisexual women crave dick. I sure don’t. I have a vibrator that gets me off way better thank you
I'm sooooo into masculine women but masculine men are such a turn off for me. I have no idea how to describe why I'm attracted to masculine women but I do know that a man could NEVER do masculinity as well or as sexy as a woman can (at least in my humble queer opinion). I'm sure some of it is definitely toxic masculinity but also I'm sure a lot of it isn't at the same time.
I had two goals in making this video: 1) To divulge the true and vulnerable things I have felt, which I know many lesbians can relate to (if you can’t, then power to you), and 2) To help bisexual individuals understand where some of this unfair discrimination emerges from. I in no way encourage the discrimination, and if you watched my video in its entirety, you would have gathered that - that I’ve struggled with it because I can recognize it isn’t fair. But I do want to shine a light on the real issues - those being the way toxic masculinity is often rewarded and reinforced by our society, the way the penis is overly glorified, etc.
Marissa LaRocca someone's identity doesn't make them unfaithful or more likely to cheat. its their CHARACTER that determines that. i genuinely feel really ashamed when i see gay people broadcasting these kinds of views. bi people, especially young bi people trying to accept themselves, dont deserve to see it. i know how much demonisation of lesbians has affected my perception of myself. theres no justification for bigotry - biphobia or any other kind. it shouldnt be something to proudly broadcast and ask your audience to validate you. educate yourself privately, and then use your platform to educate your audience.
I love how deeply you've explored this.. to attempt to tear down the stigma and face this insecurity head-on. Most people aren't so open-minded or willing. (I'm pan so I'm often on the brunt of this issue) Love your insight, you analyze things in the same way that I do haha. Great video!!
The last few months I have been struggling with all of these things ! I mean to the point were I was like damn am I not meant to be gay,maybe what people say is right...I think this is great information.I am so at peace again.Thank you!
About the first thing you said: Bisexual doesn't mean you can choose to like either a man or a woman, it just means you're capable of loving both. You can't choose who you fall in love with!
So it doesn't matter if it's easier with a man or not. This is not what it is about.
Thank you for supporting my channel, Joanie. And I totally hear you! There are certainly women out there who call themselves “bisexual” just to turn men on, or just because they don’t mind kissing women but wouldn’t do anything beyond that for their own pleasure. It’s women like this that give bisexuals a bad reputation and ruin it for the rest of the community! But there are women out there who ARE genuinely bisexual, pansexual, etc. And it’s a shame for them that these stigmas around bisexuality exist because of those who fake it.
I identified as lesbian for about 5 years. And recently also just changed my tinder to men and started calling myself bisexual. I met one guy and spend time with him for a couple weeks. Although we never hooked up or even kissed, as I'm a very emotional person and not so much physical, I knew my attraction for masculinity was not for men. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was about him, the fact he had a penis, his "privileged masculinity" like you said, idk. But masculinity is way more calming and comfortable in a female. I feel safe with a female. So it is extremely possible to be attracted to masculinity not in a man and only on women. Now that I did that experiment I know that I want to be with women. And no matter how much I may try to make it work with a man there will always be something missing.
Very interesting, as a lesbian who's into more feminine women I've always wondered why some lesbians like very masculine acting and dressing women...this makes sense. I guess there's just a different masculine energy that is more soft and understanding then men.
I am a bisexual woman. I'm attracted to men and women regardless what genitals they have. If I like someone or if I love someone the genital doesn't matter to me. If I'm happy and in love with someone I'm not going to think about anyone else but that person who I'm with. Oh yeah I pretty confident I'm not going to cheat or leave someone for a dick.Oh I forgot to say that I have a lot of respect for you for being open minded and educating yourself about bisexual people. ❤️👍🏼
I've been struggling to date my bi girlfriend since the very beginning of our relationship. I don't know if I could overcome my fear eventually, and I thirst for the deeper connection we might have if my girlfriend is gay (ironically I've only dated bisexuals or straight girls). She's an amazing partner, so I don't want to lose her over my troubled biphobic thoughts, It's just things have been very difficult for us both. Your video makes me feel like there's someone who understand me and thank you for your honest and inspiring advices.
Marissa LaRocca OMG YES! Even tho she has always supported the LGBTQ+ community. She even asked me if I'm more into guys than into girls and of course that I told her that I'm more into guys. I actually I didn't feel attracted to men at all but I felt so weird to tell her that I like girls only
I came out as bi first too! I think that tends to be easier, especially when we're still emerging into our sexuality and trying to fully understand it. But there are people who are legitimately bi too!
Men are more confident (arrogant?) and socially dominant than women on average. Socially they are more aggressive/outgoing (in terms of relationships). (A couple research studies looked at this.) It doesn't make men better, but it does make it more likely that they goin' try to steal yo girl. However, that which is yours will come to you (or stay with you).
I agree, getting to know straight men better will probably help (maybe you will not want to call them dicks anymore). As a hetero woman, I often wonder if I would be more comfortable as a lesbian (if I had a choice) because I want a partner who is less aggressive and domineering than the average man and generally has fewer overt masculine personality traits. Also I think women on average appreciate emotional intimacy and tenderness more deeply and consistently.
Luckily I found a man who fits my preferred description. A miracle. He's bisexual and I have only met one other man who comes close to "my type." Though he's bisexual, I don't fear him leaving me for a man because like me, he finds men to be a little too aggressive and intense, on average (despite his attraction). (Also, if he leaves me I am happy if he does what makes him happy, even if it means breaking up.) It's easier for me to not cling so tightly to my relationships because I've been through some shit. I'm 100% in appreciation mode for my beautiful relationship, the fear of loss has been burned out of me with a painful fire.
I did write it in a way that implies men would do it intentionally (I was trying to be lighthearted using the "yo girl" but it came across as accusatory). Oops. I meant to imply men have a more casual "more likely to hit on her (without knowing her relationship status)" or "more likely to be available for a mutual fling in general (also not knowing her relationship status)." But I can't picture many, if any situations where I wouldn't hold my partner 100% responsible for their choices (regardless how "tempting" a situation).
Oh, I see. I was thinking more like guys unknowingly hitting on your girlfriend/asking her out (and politely backing off when she says she's in a relationship). I think being a characterless partner stealing person is completely separate from personality traits like being outgoing/arrogant etc - probably more 50/50 when it comes to lacking character. And yes, aggression certainly shows up in weird places like that.
This is a really big topic. If we would all sit together and talk about this for two weeks we could not get to the bottom of this. And there is no bottom! So many opinions, so many different experiences. And you said it: At the end we are all human. Don't give your 'insecurities' to much power. Just call them 'questions'. Doesn't that feel so much better? I am sure that you have many questions, we all do. And isn't it fun to find the answers? The next time you have a 'question', say to yourself: O, good, a question to wich I will find the answer. Another opportunity to grow and learn. And I love learning, I love talking to people and asking for their opinions. I love discovering new ways of looking at things. I am really good at this. Thinking and talking and llistening and pondering. I so love that I can help other people in this way. I love sharing what I know, I love helping other people. Maybe I am a teacher, maybe this is what I was born to do? This feels so good. And maybe, just maybe, this is the reason why I came in to this world in the way that I did, and have the experiences that I lived so that I can teach them to others. Afterall, you can not teach what you don't know! And maybe many more experiences will come my way for this purpose. The next time I encounter something that I do not want, I now know that it is just the bouncing off place on my way to more, and more, and more. Never again will I question myself. Never again will I feel insecure. I now know. I know why I came here, I know who I am. I know my power. And I allso know that everyone can find that power within themselves. I allso learn from all the comments that I get. Maybe that is why I want the comments so much. I am allways looking for something new. Something to think about. Something to make a new video about.:) Have fun with it.
And while it can be empowering to get curious and ask questions, I'll also say that I think the next important step in the process is surrendering to the mysteries... having TOLERANCE for the things we feel unable to relate to or understand is probably the most commendable of all human virtues in my opinion. To be able to validate the experiences of everyone around us regardless of whether or not they share parts of our own experience.
Sandra, I celebrate you for knowing your worth, and for finding a way to share your gifts with others. Coming into our power is a process after all, and I agree that getting curious about the things we are afraid of is a really important step in this process.Too often, people tend to get "stuck." They get locked in their judgment, afraid to ask questions about the things they don't understand, and so they choose to devalue or discriminate against what they don't understand instead (probably because this feels more comfortable for them). I will be forever in favor of safe spaces and open conversations in the name of healing the world!
I totally agree on most of what your saying! And these insecurities are common for so Many I know! But for once I'm short in my reply: why is it worse being left for a guy!? ( point being left! And you can't compare the two!)
And love has no boundries, so I would be proud to have kids with a woman!!
And I've said this before, being feminin I do go for masculine/androgyn girls- but their 'masculinity ' would never represent the same as a guys! Like I Think George clooney is hot as hell, but I would still pick Ruby Rose anyday!! I'm just sadden that we as being queer or whatnot have to doubt ourselves because of some ridicilous society norms and what the gender/sex represents in relation to one another!
But I Will share something which made my eye tear up- I was at pride few weeks back and in the parade on a wagon and what I saw was just beautiful- 15.000 people coming to the streets to wave you off, give you knockles and highfives, cheering and the most beautiful were the kids- cause when they are coming from an openminded home, they dont see anything other then regular people having one hell of a party!! My mom when I was a kid would take me every year for the parade, cause she always said it was important that we as humans stod together.. so I still have hopes for humanity!!
Great video btw!!💪💪😍😎
More than ever before I am embracing my uniqueness not ONLY in the way of my sexuality, which I did not choose, but in the way of my QUEER MINDSET, which I did choose. You are right - it takes guts to challenge the status quo. And I feel blessed to be exactly who I am. And I feel blessed to have the opportunity to make a difference in the world.
"God didn't put the g spot in a man's ass for nothing".... pretty profound, lol. I loved every word of your honest rant here :). Too many of these issues we deal with are related to social conditioning! As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, my goal is not even to be "accepted." I just wish more people would adopt "queer" as a mindset that encompasses more than sexuality. Queer as a worldview that includes tolerance and equality for every individual!
I was writing my comment half asleep last night, luckily my head is back on today (or so I would think 🙈) I hope it Will make sense the stuff I say! (And this is why I love conversations of all kinds, cause not only do you get to reconsider your own world view but mostly get some interesting perspective from others) see for me I dont get the whole bisexual thing- and I have had countless conversations with friends and strangers, but people (when you being female bisexual) see you as lucky, like 'hey you can't eat from the big buffet cause you can't get down with anyone' and I'm thinking no.. it must be so fucking confusing what your going for and in the end I truly believe that there something you are more turned on than other, and here is why this at least works in my case, since you've been so honest I Will too.. so I kind of did the same move you did with a guy, but a little different.. I 4 years ago came out of a relationship that Really destroyed me, and in my mind I was so hurt that I was like I'm done with women, its nothing but sorrow!! I then a year later start a New job and at my work is this guy who is Really hot! (To an earlier conversation you and I have had- its all About the energy) and even tho I can tell if a guy is hot, I'm not sexually atracted.. but here with this guy is the first time I've ever had instant sparkle with a guy- to make a long story short and back to my beginning point- we hook up, and I'm just not down with the penis, like no you can't compare sex with a girl and with a guy, but when I'm with a woman it feels like heaven and this just felt like 'hmm okay' - could I live with it, maybe! Would it be easier, probably! And since then people now see me as eating from the big buffet, but I know what buffet I want- and its not the big one! Besides would I do it with some 'random ' guy.. no! This was following pure energy and trying stuff out since I made my mind up that all women are evil! So now I've come to terms that I just havent met my woman yet!
And instead of being insecure, we should be proud!! Proud that we are not afraid to show who er are and what we love and how we want to love!! It takes balls instead of mainstream heteronormative hiding behind social and society makings that they dont even question because they go by 'it has always been like this '.. bullshit! God didnt put the g-spot and a mans ass for nothing!! (Sorry lol)
And now I Got sidetracked by myself, and dont Know if I answered to all that I wanted!!
Great to hear from you, Anna! I remember you telling me about your Mom in past comments and she sounds like such a wonderful lady :). I can only hope more children in the world grow up with parents like her. Children need to be raised knowing they have countless options in terms of the way they want to identify themselves and the way they want to love others.
To answer your question, why is it worse to be left for a guy? I think the insecurities I expressed in this video are answer enough, haha! But to be brutally honest and to take it a step deeper, for me it would feel worse to be left for a guy because I'd feel that my partner is a "traitor"--choosing privilege and leaving me in the dust without that choice. I think it actually boils down to having envy. I envy "straight privilege" because we live in a heterosexual world. And the way my fears/insecurities see bisexuals is that they have a piece of that privilege that I don't have. They have at least the option to "fit in" whereas I don't.
Of course these feelings aren't necessarily fair to bisexual individuals! Of course bisexuals have their own unique struggles and they are discriminated against, even within their own communities. And of course bisexuals are legitimately queer, even if they choose a partner of the opposite sex. I'm just doing my best to put words to the ugly fears that have lived inside me (and a lot of other lesbians) so that I/we can work to overcome them.
Being bisexual is hard already having to hide it from my family and go to church for my mom and then act like nothing happened and act "straight" I see this and feel that now I really am not completely accepted anywhere... 😂😂😂 its kinda lonely....I'll live...its already hard to have a relationship where and how I live so....yeah.....I'm dead 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😣
I hear you. When we talk about discrimination and acceptance in terms of any sexuality that might be considered "alternative", I think it varies tremendously based on your family, where you live, etc. I'm not sure there is anything worse than feeling like you need to hide your true self so I am very sorry to know you are experiencing this now. My heart goes out to you.
Firstly I'm sooo proud of you for making this video! This is a really great topic to discuss and I have enjoyed reading everyone's comments and views. All our opinions will be unique as we are all individuals that have had different experiences. You know my opinion...I don't like to be labelled. I love people. I'm attracted to a person regardless of their gender, it has to be about that chemistry/connection/energy. Whatever you wanna call it. I've got people who just think I'll go back to "dick" eventually. That's narrow minded!! This obsession in society that the penis trumps all...IT DOESN'T. In reflection, my experiences with men didn't truly satisfy my soul like it has done by being with a woman. There has definitely been more connection for me with a woman, though I never close my mind to the possibilities of the universe as then I would be discriminating against men. As like you said, people are just people!! At the end of the day wherever you fit in on the straight or LGBTQ spectrum sometimes relationships end...not because there's another person lined up but because you weren't right for each other. I believe that love is love. 💜 More people need to start waking up and realising we are human beings, stop focusing on our gender, genitals, etc, get to see them as a person. That is the true key to opening our minds in a society today where we have forgotten that and have been blinded by mixed messages. X
Marissa LaRocca , how have I only just read this! Ooo you have asked some great questions. I've had a good think about this and I think that there is going to be elements of both genetics and social conditioning! Yes, on one hand I think that we should challenge society when it oppresses people from expressing their gender how they want to. We all need to open our minds to accept people for who they are not for how society sets down their rules and regulation. Who makes the rule book?!? You know when I shared with you what I found in ancient history before some religions emerged it would appear whatever your sexual orientation you were accepted. In comes religion and cocks it up with its man+woman=procreation crap! I'm not against religion but I do think it's largely at the root of the persecution of people who fit in the LGBTQ community. And no I don't think that you are discriminating against men because you don't find them attractive. That's just your DNA, you like girls and that's that. No need to complicate it. And that goes for anyone, you can't help you find attractive...that's just chemistry/biology. But we can always keep an open mind...after all man or woman they share that they are both human x
Thanks, Zoe! You already know how much I heart your viewpoints on sexuality, gender, etc. I align very much with your philosophy, which is why I get frustrated sometimes when I feel absolutely incapable of feeling attraction toward men. So if I have challenged myself time and again and I simply don't feel it, would you consider that discrimination? Just curious! I am replying to many of the other comments asking this same question because I am genuinely interested in people's opinions: Do you believe everyone, without conditioning, would be bisexual? If so, to what extent should we attempt to de-condition ourselves if we feel mono-sexual? Do you think everyone, even "straight"-identifying people should challenge themselves to find sexual attraction toward men, women, and other genders?
While I do understand your insecurities, I personally don't think I would fear a bisexual cheating on me. For one there's sex toys, and two, it's simply a thing of faithfulness. The same way a lesbian wouldn't cheat on me, even if she's tempted or whatever. And if someone is in love with another person they are not going to stop loving them because they miss a certain body part or anything like that, if they do leave them for that reason, I doubt they ever really *loved* their partner.
+Marissa LaRocca But please don't let that sway you, I'm kind of scared that I'll never get to date a woman unless she is bisexual because of the stigma. I just wanted to let you know that your fear was valid, but more so in newly out people who have yet to experienced relationships and it's about communication at the end of the day.
+Marissa LaRocca I would actually agree that your fear is valid, on the exploring part that is. As a bisexual myself, I've never had a relationship or been intimate with anybody. But I feel I would regret it if I were to have a relationship with a man and never experience anything with a woman, same thing the other way around. But it's different for every person and probably different for a bisexual who has been out for a while. Personally I think there just has to be communication. If the girl wants to explore than tell her you're not comfortable, if she doesn't than yay. Just make sure to tell her you don't mean to be offensive and you genuinely just want to know so you two could move forward with your relationship with no regrets. Just remember that that conversation could be awkward and possibly annoying for some women who identify as bisexual, so there isnt a perfect way to approach that with a guarantee she wont be uncomfortable by it. But I'm just speaking off of my own opinion. Anyways, sorry for how long this comment is lol.
For me, sex toys sort of help pacify the body part insecurity but they don't resolve my fears around life tending to be easier for heterosexual couples + the fact that heterosexual couples can (usually) conceive children naturally! Anyway, I'm happy to know you don't fear a bisexual cheating on you anymore than you would fear this from a lesbian partner. And I agree with your points on loyalty within a relationship being more about the bond between two people than anything else. Perhaps the only exception to this might be, if a bisexual person has not EXPLORED their sexuality, they might be moved to leave someone they love in order to explore this other side of themselves. Do you agree? I think what I'm trying to say is that CURIOSITY in some cases actually can be stronger than LOVE, since we all of a deeply intimate need to know ourselves. But as long as a bisexual person has thoroughly explored themselves, they are unlikely to leave someone they love for another's body parts.
Hi Marissa, I was in a relationship with a bisexual woman for 15 years. We raised her children together. You are right, she didn't leave me because she was secure in our relationship but it did come the time when the "season" was over. Love is about how you feel with the person you are with and you make them feel.
Thanks for this, Shilah! I love what you said here. I can see how it will benefit us all to focus more on relationships themselves, and less on the gender identities, sexualities, and roles of the partners within queer relationships.
Your first few points had me thinking that open relationships, (or polyamory- however you want to label it), may help with those insecurities. That is of course if jealousy weren't an issue. Check out 'Conor and Brittany' here on Youtube. They each have their own channels as well. They have helped me and my partner radically grow as individuals and a couple. They cover soooo many amazing topics. Seems like you're a growth junkie too!
Hey Benjamin! Are you asking if I am drawn to monogomous relationships? If so, then the answer is yes. I've been a serial monogomist for pretty much my entire adult life, haha. I suppose it may have been valuable for me to mention this in the video since partners' expectations and insecurities can vary greatly based on the agreements made within different kinds of relationships. Thanks for watching!
I would like to offer some very loving critique of this video, I hope you are willing to listen. First, know that these are QUITE minute compared to the biphobic dialogue I often hear. Of course, I cannot speak to every bisexual's experience, I myself am bisexual as are most of my friends. I personally identify with the definition of bisexuality being two groups of attraction, rather than abiding by the binary of "two genders". Historically bisexuality has been trans-inclusive and that is still true, an individual doesn't need to use the label pansexual (they most certainly can) if they want to express that they are attracted to more than just cisgender people. So for example, I am a cis-woman and I am attracted to my own gender (one group) and also other genders (another group). So much can shift by just modifying the language to be more broad and inclusive. I have also experienced equal amounts of my partners (range of genders) expressing that they fear after our relationship ends that I will pursue a gender that is not their own.
This point is not a critique but a further insight to how broad/complex bisexuality is (and sexuality in general). I have found that I am attracted to androgyny, this meaning that no matter who I am dating I really admire when an individual plays with their own gender and takes on traits of ambiguity in the way they act/present. I know bisexuals that are exclusively attracted to masculinity or femininity. I also know bisexuals who are attracted to both masculinity and femininity.
I want to thank you for your vulnerability and the MANY great points you made, I have endless respect for you and the content you produce. Thank you for stating that these beliefs or concerns are rooted in insecurity, rather than fact. I really value that you make space and validate bisexual identities. We are queer!
Also, I am happy to validate bisexual identities, and grateful to have arrived at a place where I can do so authentically! Of course bisexual individuals are as legitimately queer as anyone else in the LGBTQ+ community. And I vow to continue working through my own insecurities, should they resurface in the future.
Thank you so much for these valuable insights, Xandra! I feel especially enlightened by the way you identify with the definition of bisexuality as being two groups of attraction, rather than abiding by the binary of "two genders." And I think it is indeed important to acknowledge that there are many minor complexities that make up sexuality, that are not communicated by many of the most frequently used umbrella term labels. For example, you identify as bisexual but you feel generally attracted to androgyny. I suppose no matter what label we choose to slap upon ourselves, there are going to be assumptions and stereotypes people associate with that label that don't apply to us as individuals. Thanks so much again for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your insecurities with us. And the fact that you challenged your insecurity's awesome and brave!
I think we should all be more open to talk about these stuff with friends or families. I know from personal experiences that I was very uncomfortable with these topics when I was younger, and that led to creating boundaries and blocking people into my life. At the time I thought it was the right thing to do... which I was totally wrong, because it led to even more insecurities
Loved the video Marissa. I find myself very attracted to women and somewhat attracted to some men. That little attraction to men makes things very confusing and I think that confusion and inability to fully label ourselves as something (gay, straight, asexual, etc.) can be intimidating for people who are or want to be romantically involved with us. However it's not something that is easily resolved and might never be in some of our lives. So people who need very clear boundaries and certainty tend to stay away from us unfortunately:/ that's been my experience so far at least...
Great point, Alyssa! People who need very clear boundaries.... unfortunately I was this person in my last relationship and ones prior to that! Meaning I was the one needing the labels and the resoluteness in order to feel safe. I am trying very hard to loosen up and challenge this part of myself through having open conversations like this. I'm also trying to deal with it in therapy, as I want to empower my beliefs to be stronger than my fears. My beliefs say: everyone reserves the right to be exactly who they are and everyone reserves the right to choose whether they want to label themselves or not.
When it comes to this topic, everyone will view it slightly different, as we all see the world through our own personal perspective. At the end of the day, I believe sex and gender are too separate aspects, and while there are some biological differences between females and males (reproductive organs, brains process info a little differently, etc), “gender” itself is largely a social construct (and unfortunately a very overwhelming, all-consuming, and intrusive social construct).
With that being said, when it comes to your butch vs. man argument, there is the whole idea of “female masculinity,” basically meaning that even though a person presents masculine, at one point or another in their life, they have been treated as a woman due to being born with a vagina. They have understood the female social norms that are placed on a them from birth — the positive aspects of being a girl in society, as well as the sexism and suppression that comes along with it. While males can absolutely be feminists and empathize with females, I don’t believe they can ever fully understand what it is like to be a woman (this is more complicated of course if someone is trans), therefore (in my opinion) masculine woman have an extra layer of understanding / sympathy than men have.
And when it comes to physical parts, like you said people are people. It’s more about a person’s mind than what is in their pants. Plus, sex and gender don’t always align, and of course it isn’t even as simple as vagina vs. penis, due to some people being born intersex. (And of course we can’t forget that this day in age there is the whole world of toys... strap ons and such are available lol)
I could talk hours about gender and sexuality, and of course I don’t want to forget the trans folk who show that gender doesn’t really have anything to do with biological sex at all, but since this is a comment and not a book I will spare you the excessive writing haha but anyways, I enjoy hearing about your views, thanks for sharing! Have a nice night :)
Thank you for your permission! Your real name is Emily, right? And that would be positively awesome. Perhaps you can even be a guest on one of my upcoming vids. You can always PM me on Instagram to coordinate!
Marissa LaRocca Of course you can talk about any of these points in your next video. You can mention my name if you'd like, but no need to feel obliged to. I don't mind either way!
I've been in and out of NYC the past year, but finally making the official move this coming weekend. So if you would like to meet up and chat, that is within the realm of possibility lol but of course, no pressure at all! Just throwing that out there!
Ahhhhh.... loving your mind even more as it continues to unfold! This is the point where I get frustrated my fingers can't type fast enough and wish we could have a vocal conversation. Thank you for all of these points. All makes complete sense to me. I'm especially interested in thinking more about the intersection between discrimination and love and romantic love. Do you mind if I bring this point into my next video too?! I'd even be happy to mention your name.
I'm still confused on a lot of feelings that I've had for a very long time now partially because of the way my family's beliefs are however I've always believed that if u r attracted to someone and that someone is attracted to u why does it matter if that someone is male or female ?? I'm new to YouTube viewing n don't know how to make question private if there is such a thing but I have questions I would like to ask u Marissa
My insecurity is about feeling not totally understood. When I dated a bisexual woman I didn't feel like they totally got the experience of what it felt like to be gay. They were able to see at least one part of their attraction on tv, movies, they didn't have to be stared at or wonder what was wrong with them when they dated men. I have felt like an outsider my whole life, and I do not want to feel like that in my relationship. I want my partner to identify with the hardest part of my life and to share that with me. I'm not saying every gay woman feels like that but to me its important. I'm not really worried about the cheating thing.
MaeB I know I’m so late to this lol but I was just gna say I can definitely understand why you would feel that way but try to resonate with the similarities rather than the differences- &then I realized marissa literally said that verbatim lol. But It was a lot easier for me in other aspects of my life also, to look at things that way bc I realized my way of thinking ab a certain subject would shift when I did &I was more sympathetic also to the other side of it. When we kind of think outside the box or “our own” box per say, it’s amazing how our conclusions to things can broaden. U seem very open minded &just shows how u quick we can grow as individuals &how much these videos impact people all over💓 thank you (&marissa ofc😊)
Marissa LaRocca Thanks so much Marissa! You have helped me a lot. Getting uncomfortable and challenging our fears/prejudices is how we grow. Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to put yourself out there for us!
MaeB I love seeing you opening your mind and changing your views based on the conversations that have been ignited by these videos! How wonderful :). Putting myself out there and having conversations here has been a big help in lessening my own biphobia as well.
Eibhlin, thank you. And I do hope you watched part one and two of this video series to the end because the point I make is that these insecurities are valid for many of us, however, bisexuality is as legitimate as any other sexuality along the spectrum and no one deserves to be discriminated against. I am a believer that by facing the ugly feelings that live inside us, we can have conversations about those feelings and become enlightened. By owning what we feel and challenging it, we free ourselves from fear and hatred. And by freeing ourselves from fear and hatred on the individual level, we contribute to a better world for all of humanity. Nonetheless I do appreciate you shedding light on your experience. I am sure it is challenging to face discrimination from both the LGBTQ community and the heterosexual community for the way you identify. And it isn’t fair.
Every Bisexual I ever dated left me for a man, so I don't think I'm a good person to ask about this topic. However, I can answer to your question about a femme being attracted to a butch. As a high femme who is and has always been attracted to masculine butches, the main thing that keeps me from going towards men is simple, they have neither a vagina nor boobs!! Gotta love a great set of boobs!! 😜
Wow. You are so inspiring. The fact that you challenged your insecurity to know more aspects of yourself is just fucking beautiful. "People are just people." Thank you for sharing in vulnerability yet confidence. More people need to be talking about and more people need to be doing what you address in your videos and in your life.
For a long time, online dating was a club for straight people. Sites like and eHarmony, whose co-founder is notoriously homophobic, had historically excluded LGBTQ communities. Even as new apps revolutionized the online dating world, queer folks were finding that these apps had little to offer in terms of inclusivity, acceptance, and creating space for people with a wide variety of genders and sexualities. Where were the Lesbian, queer, and lesbian dating apps that catered to everyone?
Up until recently, some of the nation has acted as though lesbianism didnt exist outside of porn and Ellen Degeneres, and acted as if girls only turn to dating women if they had a bad experience with a man. This, of course, is not true.
If youre reading this, its probably because youve experienced the frustration with dating sites and apps that claim to be inclusive to all sexual orientations, only to realize that some closeted quirks make it obvious that the straights are the target.
Chances are, at least one person you know has met their partner using a dating app. Male or female, regardless of what you identify as or what you like in bed, we all use them. And yet, most apps are still designed with only straight people in mind. What gives?
By its very premise, which requires the woman in a match to send the first message, Bumble assumes that its users are straight. And as a lesbian woman whos spent a fair amount of time on both Tinder and OkCupid, I can tell you that the apps arent great at weeding out men who dont belong (sorry for the immediate swipe left, Scott, Todd, and John, but I dont know how you got here).